The Politics of Politics

I'm trying to figure out what an economic stimulus plan is. Citizens pay taxes. That's where the government gets it's money . The stimulus package comes from the government. So it's really the people's money. What's the difference between that and a tax credit?

On Mintax 4 elections were held every 6 years and if a candidate didn't get over 25% of the vote they were executed. And on Virlow's Second Moon you had to where truth detecting equipment at all times if you were elected to office.

But the worst politics I've ever seen was on Furrrbart in the Rexcept system. There if you were found guilty of abuse of power of office they allowed every citizen of the planet to kick the person in what humans would call their ass. The record before death was 7 years and about 5 million kicks and change before death.

But in the U.S., most folks really have no idea what is going on in their political system. It doesn't matter to them that money isn't worth anything, yet most Americans strive to get more and more of it.

On Greegor in the Dfghws star cluster, the citizens all choose a job from a list of needed jobs when they come of age. They then do this job to the best of their abilities and trade their goods or services for everything else they need. Every 10 years, they have the opportunity to change professions to another that is needed. I believe Earthers call this communism. I call it a great way to get a job. Greegor has an open border policy. You can leave whenever you want or come there and be guaranteed a job. Although, I've never met a rich Greegorian. Politicians there are chosen and the person that the citizens choose serves for 10 years. No one nominates themselves, they are nominated by their peers.

But as long as 'Politician' is a job title, the politician's will be corrupt. But it's still a very entertaining process.

The Big Game: You Humans Sure Can Party

Beer. You humans sure love beer. And any excuse to drink as much of it as possible.

Now, this Big Football Game is not so special. The Blarkos of Domnel 8 played a similar game and death or decapitation wasn't at all abnormal. In their championship game one could place bets on the number of deaths or limbs lost. My great-uncle Chiko made the family fortune on a last minute eye gouging that the referee's incorrectly counter as a loss of limb.

But this is commonplace around the galaxy. Most citizens of the galaxy have contests and most of those celebrate the event. But none in my experience do it as well as humans.

Sure the Rax of Rax Prime shut the entire planet down every 15 years to hold what most Earthlings would call a worldwide snowball fight. Although they use the spores of an insect that only breeds once every 15 years. But most of that is used for clean-up.

Not a lot of races use chemicals to alter perceptions. I mean, it makes sense. In most human contests, one does not know how interesting the contest will be. But with a few pints or a couple of joints, ANY event becomes more enjoyable.

So party on humans. I know I'll be enjoying the festivities.

Convenience or Convalesence?

I work at a convenience store on a weekend shift. It allows me certain opportunities to observe the human race in it's native environment.

What I've noticed more often than not is that the majority of the patrons of this store, people I consider "normal, everyday, human subjects" are incredibly naive and unable to make sense of the most common of Earth's practices.

A customer came into the store just the other day. This man looked to be an intelligent human. He drove a vehicle; he walked up-right; he even spoke the English language very well. But when this man came up to the register he had in his hand a beverage can that was clearly marked 'Energy Drink". So why then did this man feel the need to ask me, "Does this stuff keep you awake".

I  looked at the man with surprise and just muttered out, "Yes. Probably."

He then looked at me like I was an idiot.

"Well, do you not know?", he asked with distaste in his eyes.

"Well, it says right on the label 'Energy Drink'. What do you think energy drink does, sir?"

The words slipped out before I had a chance to think about them. I couldn't believe that this human, who knew what he was buying and what it did, was asking me if this product did what it said it did on it's label, and the inquisitor in me just had to know 'why'. 

But not another word was spoken between us. I feel I had upset him in some way but I still have no idea exactly how. Perhaps humans just talk for the sake of talking with no purpose to their communication.

But what about this woman? A lady comes in to purchase milk. Cow's milk as a human staple confuses me to begin with. I mean, what animal drinks another animal's milk? But I digress.

Milk does not last forever and every carton has a date of expiration on it that dictates when the carton should be discarded. So why then did this woman ask me if this milk was still in date?

I asked her, "Is there not a date on it?"

"Well, there is but I wanted to know for sure."

"For sure, what?"

"If the date was right."

"Who would change it?"

"Well, I wasn't accusing you in that's what you meant."

"What did you mean?"

I had done it again. The words just slipped out without my even thinking. This human was upset. She said she didn't like my tone and she just wanted to know if the milk was still good.

I told her milk was NEVER good for a human but this particular carton was not spoiled.

Why didn't this human believe the markings on this carton that were put there by other humans whose sole job is to mark said cartons?

I can see why humans bitterly argue and fight: they don't even trust what's right in front of their faces.

Or was this just an attempt at conversation on the part of these customers? I have found that humans are a very chatty bunch and constant reassurance of inclusion is required.

More study is needed. I feel I may be on this planet for decades.

What a country?

I was watching the coverage of this Inauguration of the President today.

Every one was making a big deal because this Obama is a black man. First off, where I'm from, people come in 35 distinct shades. We have blue people and yellow people and even bright pink people (it's because of the algae they eat).

So why on a planet that has comparably few shades of people, do they make such a big deal out of a person of shade getting a job that was held by people of a different shade? Are people here on Earth that hung up on people's differences?

Once I heard of a twin who's sibling had died during the carrying. This twin was two distinct shades that covered almost half and half of his body. He was a nice shade of pink on one half and a darker shade of brown on the other. He wasn't looked down on nor was he looked up to. He was just there. He had the same opportunities as everyone else.

In this world a person like that probably wouldn't have made it through middle school.

This world would be a lot better if everyone stopped noticing how everyone looks and started noticing how everyone is.

An Observation of an Earth Child; Priorities.

My first night here was sort of awkward. I hadn't slept before. It was nice once it came, but with so much to do on this planet, how does anyone get any sleep? I watched an info-mercial. An amazing cloth that picked up 1000 times it's weight of water. ShamWoW!. I didn't buy one but was very entertained. Come to think of it, I didn't have  choice but to watch it. The device known as a remote control was lost and the TV I watched has no buttons on the outside. Human user interfaces are crap.

But as I watched this show at 3 o'clock in the morning, the 2 year old came down stairs. He looked at me with a smug look on his face, rubbed his eyes, and held up his cup.

Without a word, I jumped up and filled this young humans cup with juice. How did he do it? Do the children of this planet have some sort of menial psychic ability? I was amazed.

But then the child began screaming at the TV. I don't think he liked what I was watching. But I was watching it so I told him to go to bed. He yelled at me some more. So I told him I couldn't find the clicker and we were stuck so tough luck.

This child, the same one who couldn't get his own drink, a substance needed for survival, threw his head back, looked at me like I was an idiot, walked over to his favorite chair, lifted the cushion, and pulled out the remote control I had looked for earlier in the night. He then changed the channel to a man in a purple dinosaur suit who sings songs with other children. Again, I was amazed.

Sleep came easy for me after that. 

Introduction to the Human Experience

It's a pretty long story. Well, not really, but the details are very...well...detailed and I don't want to burden you with that kind of technical stuff.

It all involves quantum fields and life equations and sub-space brain pattern manipulations...see? Now I've confused the entire readership on the first damned post.

The simple: I am from another planet. A group of planets, actually. I, for lack of a better term, took over, this guy's life and persona for the purpose of intelligence gathering. Not for a planned invasion or for the research of a book. I am are here to see if Earth is ready to become what you would call, a TV program.

SO, I have a wife, two kids, a job at a convenience store (one meets a lot of different people at a convenience store) and I go to college part time.

I'm an average human, just like we planned.

Why am I telling the world. Because it's the Internet; no one will believe me and those that do will be called freaks just like me. But, my mission dictates that I gather information on the human race and what better way then to get a blog on the Internet?

So this is the first of what I hope to be many looks into what makes you humans tick.

Thanks for reading.